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Showing posts from December, 2010

So, Apparently, I AM Human….So Sue Me

So here we are, rounding out 2010, and 2011 looks to bring many wonderful new events to my life. I am most excited, and as some of those things inch closer, a tad frightened.

So all day yesterday, I had a full blown migraine. I mean from the time I woke up, until when I woke up today. Between my head feeling like it was in a vice, combined with feeling like someone was stabbing the right temple with an ice pick, and that the girls wanted to play more Kinect games, oh, and add the nausea, it was a rough day yesterday.

One psychological side effect of my migraines is self doubt. I suffer from low self-esteem anyway, but when I have a migraine, it is amplified exponentially. I was “lucky” enough to have an entire day of “that voice” (I have “affectionately” named “Mr. Mxyzptlk") So by the end of the night, last night, I was ready to call of my marathon training, forget doing the Triple Crown of Running, and told myself there was NO WAY I have an ounce of qualifications to do the Kentu…

Happy Birthday Dad...

Happy Birthday Dad,

Well, today is what would have been/is (after 16 years, you think I could get that right) my Dad’s birthday. And as usual, I am sad. I thought I had it under control this year, but I don’t.

I talk to him on my 4AM runs, and I know 3Bird went straight to Heaven so my Dad could have a Grandchild, but it hurts. It hurts because I feel like a liar…

Every time someone compliments me on being a man, or tells me that I am a good Father, or a good Husband, I feel like a fraud. Because I am a pale comparison of him in all of those areas. I always feel like I am supposed to apologize for not being as good as him in everything. I feel like I owe the girls so much, in my lifetime, because they will never have that awesome Grandfather I know he would have been to them. Something wired inside of me refuses to let life get sedimentary. Days like today, or my birthday (he passed on my 22nd birthday); I get very down because the shadow cast is much larger than me.

I know this is sh…