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Showing posts from July, 2015

Psychiatry Follow Up and my Meds

Hello True Believers,

     So I was waiting a week or so write, because so much has gone on and I wanted time to process all of what is happening. So last week, I met with the Medical Doctor at the office where my Psychiatrist is. She wanted to evaluate me for medication that I would need, based on my first appointment with my Psychiatrist. I will say. I left that appointment with the MD literally shaking, because I had to go back and talk about some of my traumatic childhood, and since I suffer from PTSD, that means I was mentally stuck reliving every bit of pain as thought I were going through it right there. It was hard, VERY HARD....and I say that being a 3 time Marathoner...I know difficult, and this was HARD.

    After talking to me, she prescribed Lamictal and Sorequel. The Sorequel is a sleeping aid. It is to help me stay asleep and to stop being woken up, or the insomnia I get when I can't stop that inner voice from shutting down. Which is a HUGE problem for me. Also, wi…

My 1st Psychiatry Appointment was Yesterday

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Hello True Believers,

       Well yesterday was my first psychiatrist appointment....and it was AWESOME! She was someone who actually seem to care about helping me and not like any psychologist I have seen before, where they get so caught up in what has happened to me instead of the person I am now, dealing with it.

        Well after we talked, she even told me about herself and her credentials and how she really likes helping people. She also stopped me from calling myself broken and/or damaged.

       So I go back to see her in 2 weeks, and she asked me to research EMDR and if I would be open to starting that. I have to admit, I am very open to trying it. To be able to recall painful memories WITHOUT having to relive the pain first and foremost, like it is happening to me right now, would be a WONDERFUL change. I also go back next week to meet with the MD to discuss medicine as well.

      Overall, I am diagnosed with being Bipolar with PTSD....yup, my childhood is my trauma, the h…

It is okay to feel my feelings

Hello True Believers,

          One of the hardest things about being bipolar that people don't understand is that you have feelings like everyone else walking the planet. The difference is, at some point, early in your life, you were made to feel that your feelings were not only not valid, but sharing them means punishment and rejection. That is why we go from being extremely happy to extremely shutting out the entire world, because we are so down, we don't want to share our feelings with anyone, because we're only going to be made to feel inferior for having feelings to begin with.

           At a very young age, my mom told me that I was a mistake....to be honest, it is one of the first memories I have. I was only 4. She blamed me for ruining her life (it didn't take a math genius to do the math of my parents anniversary and my birthday and realize, albeit in the womb, but I was at the wedding). She also made it clear that being hurt or feeling anything in general w…